Death of the Auto-Hate

I think one person too many has told me someone was hating on them. Sadly the true meaning, as so many other words, has become convoluted with the advancement of the "cool kids" (blog coming soon). Use of the word hating has become an epidemic among the Black Youth (BY) of America, and is even spreading into the world of our elders (think of the word "bomb", commonly now used by the 40+ crowd). As soon as someone has a thought about you that is not suitable or to your liking, they are "hating". Your outfit was whack. "She was hating on me." Your weave texture and natural hair don't match. "She was hating on me." Your attitude is terrible and people don't like you. "They are hating on me." Please. There is not enough about you to make the majority "hate on" you. The definition of hate reads:

hate
  /heɪt/ [heyt], hat⋅ed, hat⋅ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.
2. to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.
–verb (used without object)
3. to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
–noun
4. intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
5. the object of extreme aversion or hostility.

By these definitions, hate would be an adequate term if someone had an extreme dislike for YOU as a person. While this definition does not give a REASON for "hate" it gives life to what the term means.

Use of the term in music as given it more of a "validity" such as Jill Scott's "Hate on Me" or to Maino's "Hi Haters" as well as a plethora of other songs. And just as these two artists vary drastically in delivery, they reach different audiences that now justify other peoples negative opinions as "hating". While I am all for people doing their own thing, (If you like it, I love it) that does not mean that if you do something against the "accepted norm" that people will have to, or will try to, accept said actions.

If you like plaid leggings and striped shirts with a polka dot skirt and a zig zag belt, do you. But please believe, that person who looks at you crazy is NOT hating. While maybe they don't understand your personality and/or desire to be different, are they so wrong for looking at you because you fall out of the realm of the acceptable norm(Again, I dislike the fact that there is an "acceptable norm", but such is life)? Your "hater" does not hate you, they don't dislike you, because they don't know you. And if they do know you, they may just be like, "WTH are you wearing?" . Does that mean that they (and everyone else who WILL look at you like a spectacle [because you ARE a spectacle]) are hating? Absolutely not.

People who have "Haters" have some form of inner hatred or disdain for themselves. It is apparent due to the fact that they paid soooo much attention to what that "hater" had to say, and then TOLD everyone that they had a hater. Why would they do this? Because they want someone to validate their outfit. Or beauty. Or attitude. And as good friends, we do that. "Yeah, girl, they were hating." Because the next step in that is our friend with the "hater" telling us "But she got some nerve, did you see her _________?" displacing her negative self image with the image of some other person's ______________.

Positive self image is a beautiful thing. We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and flavors and if you love yourself, there really isn't too much anyone else can tell you to take away that feeling. This does not mean that others will join you in your celebration of self, and they are entitled to their opinions. It would be great to live in a perfect world with people who only paid attention to their own self, but that place is not here on planet Earth. I will say this- people who are happier with themselves will be much less likely to call someone a hater, BECAUSE they could care less what another person has to say about what THEY decide to do with themselves. THIS is how it should be.

"Hate", though the real definition makes it one of the ugliest words around, has become a euphemism for "jealousy". Yeah I said it. "Hate" is "Jealousy" dumbed down. Think of it this way. Say Lilly (a fictional character whom everyone deems nice, beautiful, intelligent, nice family i.e. the perfect person)accidentally looks at you with shock as you walk by with your plaid leggings, polka dot skirt, zig zagged belt and striped shirt. And you, and all of your patterned glory, just so happen to catch her glimpse. Is "Lilly" jealous of you? Of course not, because Lilly is pretty close to perfection.

You would not run back to your friends and say "Lilly is jealous of me," because everyone knows perfectly kind, pretty, and popular 'Lilly' would not be jealous of you. If you said "Lilly is hating on me," your friends would be like, "yeah girl, she is, I saw her one drooping curl," just to validate you (and potentially the fact that they are your friend). While Lilly does not exist, and no one person is perfect, people who really think someone is hating, in my experience, use the word jealousy, and that is because they are set with themselves and their behaviors and cannot understand why that other person does not like them. The definition of jealousy:
jeal⋅ous⋅y
jel-uh-see
–noun, plural -ous⋅ies for 4.
1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4. a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

People with "haters" shy away from the use of jealousy, probably because in their inner most heart,they know the person is not envious of them. And if you have "haters" I dare you next time to say "She is jealous of me" instead of "She is hating on me" and see if it really makes sense to you. Be happy being you, do what makes you feel comfortable. But if you "fake feel" happy, or confident, it will show in other ways. Make sure that if you are chunky (as I am =) you wear something that doesn't draw attention to your flaws (if you feel as if these are flaws). Make sure that if you like weave (as I do =) that it is sewn in properly and blends well (if that is important to you).

My point is this- no one person is perfect, and other people just may point it out, but don't give them a reason to. Or just truly be completely happy with who you are, flaws and all. You will be surprised how quickly the "haters" melt away. This is just me pondering. Next stop, the cool kids.

P.S. If you don't like this train, hop off. =)

I've come to realize that...

1. I've come to realize that my chest.....
Is bigger than I thought, but a part of who I am.

2. I've come to realize that my job
rewards me in ways I didnt know

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
I relax and zone out of problems and into the road

4. I've come to realize that I need....
to open myself up more, and not be so negative

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
parts of me that I cant get back, but also parts that I dont want back =)

6. I've come to realize that I HATE it when...
people try too hard to be who they arent, when people would like the "real" them better.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
I am still the sober one

8. I've come to realize that money…
is only super important if you need to keep up an image. I would love to have it for comfort, but its not what defines me

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
really have seasons in your life, but they do/did have a purpose in your maturation

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...
think I am right, but I am learning to open my mind up to other intelligent perspectives

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)…
have watched me grow, and I have watched them, and I love them even with their quirks LOL

12. I've come to realize that MY mom…
is one of my best friends and really has my best interest at heart, unless she is trying to share food, then she doesnt want to be my friend LOL

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone..
wasnt that important and held me to a lot of drama that I have then since relesed by being in Korea. Sometimes it is better for everyone to not have access to you on THEIR time.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning…
I was excited to start my day

15. I've come to realize that before i go to sleep...
I usually pass out before I have the chance to realize something before I go to sleep

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...
I am going home in a few days!

17.
I've come to realize that my dad…
Is human and has learned from what he was taught, and that he does try and is proud of me.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
I feel like I am still at home

19. I've come to realize that today..
was a good day even though I still have lesson plans to finish

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
is a blessing

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
have a family of my own and watch my own kids grow

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to re-post this is...
Myka, maybe lol. No, London =)

24. I've come to realize that life...
"ain't meant to come around twice, thats why I gotta get it right," or at least live it to the fullest and learn from past mistakes

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
I was ok with staying in my house for the most part

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
is music that can spark creativity and allow me to write

27. I've come to realize that my friends...
arent my friends, the real ones are family (I'd do anything for them and more than likely, it has been shown), and the ones who aren't, aren't friends.

28. I've come to realize that this year...
is a once in a lifetime experience, so I need to make the most of it

29. I've come to realize that my ex...
was young, and so was I. No sense in holding grudges

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...
Stop thinking so hard about some things, and harder about others

31. I've come to realize that I love...
so much, so many, and so hard

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...
Why I do more for other people than I do for myself

33. I've come to realize that my past...
cant change, only my future can, and if people hold you to that, they have issues of their own and are not growing themselves

34. I've come to realize that parties...
are for kids...Same people, same outfits, same attempts at "fun"...I'm over it, just me.

35. I've come to realize that that....
I grew up but am not there yet...Work in Progress =)

Chains

Too much violence in Chicago. Children dont even realize how their actions affect those around them, and its sad. RIP Young Soldiers. For Derion Albert
  
It
Beats, then bleeds
for teens on the street, who have no means,
no outlet for feelings, what it is is how it seems,
no feelings because of this
The outcome is evident,
One more dead, another coming all because of it,
the cycle
the anti-circle of life, these ring leaders, they’re the problem,
but its not their fight, the parents, need to wake up and give what they have,
I understand that times are hard,
but stop and save what you can.
The children
are losing a war that shouldn’t even have started,
looking for families that they shouldn't even be a part of,
or innocently walking down a block that they’re not fond of,
but have no choice if they want to leave what is around them.
The choice to make it to school or
make it to heaven shouldn’t be,
and Lord willing, now we’ll help them.
It shouldn’t take tragedy
in the form of a fallen teen, to wake the whole world
to what so many have already seen.
So tighter,
united,
from all sides of the globe we pray,
I’ll start it in Asia,
and someone else pick up the chain,
lets bind together and take back the streets where young lay,
and together send up a RIP for the ones who fell to fate.

My Lifes Playlist

So this is really random, but my shuffle was hitting, and some songs came on that remind me of various individuals or occasions, and some people apparently have a lot of songs...Hee Hee

“Freeze”- T-Pain and Chris Brown reminds me of Courtney-We randomly had a “lifted” dancing session to this song and repeated it when Tarita came in the house. We were GETTTTTTING it. HARD

“Pop, lock, and drop it Remix”- MYKA AND TARITA! The cruise, and the picture of our “lady friend” which spontaneously caused the singing of “Uh HUH, uh huh- Uh uh, AAAH HA HA every single time we went to our cabin, for 7 days straight....

“Walking on the Moon”- Ab- Yo ass kept requesting this song, but I get it now, took a sec =)

“Poppin”- Chris Brown-Lionel- First time I heard the song was in the car with you, during the good old days LOL, and you kept it on repeat.

“Shake That”- Too short- Courtney- because of the little dance I know you will never forget LMAO.

“Hustlin”, Rick Ross- Lauren- Yo ass swore you were sayin hustlin, but you were saying Hustle-ING.

“Ms. New Booty”- Tarita “ It is a love song! Like, he REALLY loves her! He FOUND HER!” lol

“Winner”-Chris Brown- Erica and Christian -the good/bad LAR days- “i hear the DIIIING” oh, and “ooo-oo-oo-oo-oooooh, Yeeeahh.” Oh, and old man ass, old monkey ass, ...LOL

The whole Carter - Brit Lacey-Freshman year rides to my crib when parents were out of town, never gonna forget.

“White Tee”-Brit Lacey, Erica, Ryan- “He walk in his white tee” LOL

Whole Get Lifted John Legend album- Marlon- LMAO..wasnt a song in the bunch LOL.

Usher-”Burn”- Khandi, Drea, Tasha, Jazzy- The end of Senior year, random car adventures (and thefts) LOL

“I don't wanna know”-Mario Winans- Khandi- I CANNOT listen to that song without thinking about you...and how you would change the names up. LOL

“Love”- Kelly Rowland- Kylie- You made up a dance in 807 to this, and made me love the song. Bet you dont even remember!

“Money on my Mind” Lil Wayne- Marica, your rendition, changed to “bunny on my mind”. I still cant stand you for that LOL

“Damaged”-Danity Kane- Marcia and Phillip- Dancing in the truck, or something like that. I think y'all did it first, then showed me when I got in. Either way, y'all hit that! Ha.

“Helena”, My Chemical Romance, and Paramore, “Misery Business”- Marlon, the ONLY other person who vibes out like CRAZY when the song comes on.

TI-”What You Know About That”- Jeffie! I think y'all first “official” stroll after your not-a- probate-because-people-don

't-have-those was this, cuz I always think of you. Gotta be something!

“Sexy Back” Erica's 807 bathroom song LOL.

“Apologize” Alitra- Your beauti-full dance before you were crowned Miss Black and Gold =)

“Stingy” Ginuwine- Renoir- Your crazy jealous self lol...I dont even know if you remember singing this after I would get pissed at your for your insanity.

“4 page letter” Aaliyah- Tara, Stormie, Crystal- Sleep overs at Tara's house, you remember the dance? LOL throw way back to 4th grade, and I still “bounce” every time I hear it LOL.

“Like you” Bow Wow and Ciara- Kambium, Erica, Christian- “Iaintneverhadsomebodyshowmeallthethingsthatyouhaveshownmeandthespecialwayifeelwhenyouholdmewegonealwaysbetogethrbabythatswhatyoutoldme, and I believe it, cuz I aint never had nobody do me like YO ASS” lol. That, and “Kam, Bam Baaam” to the tune of Trey
Songz's “Girl, Tonight”. Erica and Chrissy had a ball with you Kam LOL.

“Cyclone” Baby Bash- DREA and your Cyclone dance! Oh boy, Hilarity! That and Ciare “Oh”. You know you need to be on Dance Crew! Alone! LOL.

Lupe Fiasco- Evan. That's how you became my child, Gotta love it.

Think that is all for now. I know Know KNOW I am forgetting some, but these I have heard recently! Some of the best times in life! Glad you were a part of it =)

Trust

They say, they say trust is a must,
that’s why she never gave it up, up
up and away, away went that trust, that trust
once she gave it up.

Once she gave it up she felt stuck in the muck,
in the glue that was love, like a fool, she was stuck,
stuck, when she gave up her trust.

Trust, it was a struggle,
a struggle of trust, to move, to
win, to trust and not go bust,
but busted

was the outcome of trust, her trust,
the whole thing, the whole thing it went bust,
it went up in flames,
in flames it was engulfed, and the flames turned to fuss,
so she fussed and it burned while she
fussed

while trying to hold on to trust, to keep it fresh, keep it new
keep it clean, and not let it rust,
or get clouded with dust from not being brushed,
being clean, with no rust.

But the brush had some dust,
and it caked on the dust, on the rust, made a crust,
and it crumbled and it rushed, rushed away in a gust

That’s what happened to the trust, what happened to us,
us diminished with each sign of lust, lust for another, another
big bust, he must, really like busts, so she cursed
and she fussed
and she cried
while the tears turned to rust,
and she brushed off
her shoulders and she buried her trust,
because buried trust is a must.

25

Rules are: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. I really love songs with "La" in it. It is this odd thing that makes me really happy on the inside. For example, the Elmo's world song, J. Holiday "La", Rihanna "La la la", and any other song like them, I will listen to just because of that. Lala la

2. I do not really like scary movies, ever since I was around 7 or 8. When I was younger, a person who I will not mention made me watch Pet Cemetery at my cousins house, and then when we went home sang the scary/odd theme song and chased me around acting like the undead until my mother came home. I probably should watch it to get over it.

3. I love my friends, I have so many different people in my life who literally add to it in very different ways. They range from to hustlers, skateboarders, to Hawks dancers to hairdressers, to modern dancers, to teachers, to Deltas, to VanillaBoras to promoters, to potheads, to prudes, and i love them all individually different from others.

4. 807 was the best/worst experience of my life as well. I thought about what Erica could have meant by that, and it wend down, from fights, to fights, lol, to strippers, to puppies, to boyfriends, to "just friends" and back, and from each experience and each day, a lesson was learned.

5. I won the basketball MVP my freshman year at TF North High school, and would have gotten it Sophomore year if I didn't move to HF...In which I purposely didn't make the team in protest to my mother for making me move with 3 games left in the season. I used to love love basketball, watching and playing it, but its getting kind of boring, like LeBron is a beast, and Kobe is a monster, and there are many rising stars, but um, as a whole, yawn. Sorta like football more now. Stuff happens. Still dont quite underdig baseball tho.

6. If I have twins, their names are going to be Zoe and Zaib (if they are a boy and a girl)

7. If and when I ever get married, I am gonna have a shit load of bridesmaids, and how does the bride get men in? Does that mean the groom gotta cut back? Aww man, I have a lot of friends that I would want to share in my [hypothetical] joy. The colors will be something like black with say, teal, or lilac, or grey, or everybody do what you wanna do

8. I really wish I could change the world. A lot of times, i get upset thinking about how many misinformed people there are in the world. The status of our communities in many respects is questionable, and it isnt even our fault, and we cant see the changes that need to be made for our betterment because we are set in our ways. If we all got on our shit, for REAL, we would be unstoppable, in every respect.

9. I miss the days when all of my college friends got along. There was a lot lot lot of drama, which is to be expected in a group of feisty, pretty girls, but as gemstones said, "I wouldnt change a thing about it". You all know what I mean, you know of the fun and the drama, but we wouldnt be who we are without it.

10. Erica is a clown for life. I met her dancing in FAR basement freshman year, when campus was fun, and we been thru hella ups and even more downs, but you are a dear. Alitra is a narcoleptic, and it is the best thing ever. She slept through a house intrusion, yeah, its major. Myka is and will forever be the baby, it just works out that way, but sometimes she is the most mature. And Niecycousinsisterfriend, right!

11. I love pants, she is the best friend a girl could ever have, and I feel like i can be myself around her if no one else. Love of my life or somethng (No homo). I love my other BF Jazzy, been around since 4th grade, and even tho we don't talk everyday, i know she is someone i can rely on and vice-versa

12. I have met some of the most influential people in my life on the AUC campus. I keep in contact with people who I may have met on a weekend, but have become lifelong friends. The crazy thing is, I cant imagine my life without them, love you all!

13. Jeffie is really the love of my life, I dont know how we became so close, but he is another person I couldnt function without, even tho no one understands what he says when he speaks. He will be major, and I heart him.

14. FTD is the best group of guys a girl could ever have. I feel like one of the guys on numerous occasions, and apparently I shouldn't, because I am a girl, but in my head, it is sometimes hard to make that distinction. We each have our own story together, but I would do anything for any one of them and they know it. Some of the funniest shit ever happened in their presence, included but not limited to "What you need is invisaline", "did she hit her head on the fan", "Saggy back gorilla", fist fights, arguments, slanty floors and cookouts. Love yall!

15. I have no clue what my life holds for me, but I am trying to live day by day. I have so many things i want to do, or that I could do, but to tie all of my talents together is going to be a struggle. Let me know if anyone needs poetry, paintings, or advice, Im pretty good at those things lol.

16. I cant dance, but you all knew that. I love Hip-Notic dance team, the first attempt I ever really made at dance.

17. I love hate my brother. We have been thru a lot, he used to make me do things i really didnt want to, but they proved to acutally be interesting once i did them wihtout his prodding. I know he was/is looking out for me. Good stuff, bro.

18. I think I love too many people, because i keep thinking about new ones who deserve a number- 18 belongs to Evan! He is a weirdo whacko rapper skateboarding padupping idiot who saved my life this year and didnt even know it, so...hats to you son. I still shitted on ur wall.

19. I am in love with Wasalu Muhammad Jaco. His lyrical ability is redamndiculous, if you sit and listen to the same song 5 times, each time you will hear something different, even if you already knew every single word. It is sick, and I wouldnt eat for a month if i had to use that money for a concert ticket. Im a Fanatic.

20. I got random roommates this year, aside from Tarita, and they have really made me grow up. Each has a special place in my life, and at first, we didnt get along, but now, I am the mom, tarita is the aunt, and the other two are the children. Literally. You would swear I birthed the things.

21. I like the girls of the FofF, minus one plus one, or something....LOL. And Gym teachers.

22. I have a bad habit of displacing my emotions. I dont like people to think I care about them in many cases, but thats because I have had my heart and my regular good old feelings hurt by too many close people. So if you ever wondered why I act/do/say things, thats probably why. i know, everyone has a story, but my pain is mine, and thats how I deal. Lo siento

23. I love Tarita J. P, because she is the funniest creature created, in addition to the fact that her resume pretty much shits on everyone elses. This has been a great year, and will continue to be one. Great 1905 memories, cuz naked men in the living room will never ever be forgotten, or cameras being finito, or cu-cu-cu cu as you air play the guitar while watching the grammys. Disturbing LMAO

24. I love to read, and have read hella complete series of books. I used to read more than watch tv, and read every Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, and Goosebumps book and a lot of other books, but i read all of those as a kid.

25. Im odd. I used to eat crayons as a child, even tried to be slick and only eat the white ones. And I only ate Crayola, the other ones didn't taste right. Sometimes, i get cravings for crayons, odd, I know.

26. I love people who make up their own languages and would also love to hire me for their private detective agency, cuz I can find out everyone's info...Ha...Serve, give life, trash, and all the stuff I have been left out of...