Shy

Giddy with stupidity, not normally, but
right now I’m feeling him more than he’s feeling me.
I’m stuck.
Not usually shy or nervous
around fly guys but this guy
has my fly ass shy, why?
Come a little closer, my word formation and
verb relation takes a back seat to babbling
and what to say, somehow, I cant imagine.
Standing stagnant, blank stares and low eyes,
I’m tryna manage
but managing manish thoughts has
got me in a trance,
mesmerized by eyes and smile, they
come at me deadly like Jews vs. Gentiles
or food vs. fat jowls

Silence is golden but right now
its worth less than two cents cuz
my mind cant process,
form no syntax except a lot of
what ifs, and a loss for words.
Im losing.
Time, sanity, and what little swag
I had left to get this guy to notice me.
So he kicks off conversation and
my brain drowning in anticipation
kicks rocks, stumbles, and dies a slow death
as I try to get up enough courage to ask a dumb question-
Stupid is as stupid does and
this stupid does feel stupid, so,
I’m slowly receding to the inner depths
of my not too deep soul,

Think, think….He’s cute as hell, fuck! Something else…
oohh look at his teeth, FUCK!
Participate, vocalize feelings, do something!
Say something! Nothing
at the verge of mouth purge
but words I dare not say.
Look up…Look away…
Look up…Look away-
I cant do this shit all day, I need to
grow balls, be brave,
act like he’s normal, just open mouth,
press play,
recite previously recorded game, your not
an amateur so take your place—
But that may be a little excessive for this
time and date, and as the clock ticks,
the bus rides,
all of the thoughts in my mind are
five seconds behind me
and cant catch up, so I turn away,
look out the window,
and will try to speak another day.