Its been a long, long time coming

Been back a full year now. All of my enlightenment is now Americanized, all over again. Always a sense of urgency, always a need to connect, to reach out. For this, I miss Korea. I'm sure a lot of people feel like I am further away now then I was when I was in Korea, and I know some take it personally. I guess with the distance, people didn't EXPECT to hear from me, so when they did, it was a treat...Now that I am back, it is an expectation that iCommunicate. And iTry. More often, tho, I forget. or just don't feel like it...and since when is that a crime? I don't think it is, but don't forget...its a two way 5 lane superhighway. Sometimes there are things that slow down traffic, but there are still 4 other lanes to switch to. Or you can take the exit on the right =)

Anyway, I was bored, so I decided to put together clothes I already have and probably dont wear into some type of wearable something. Havent been much into writing lately, or drawing...but this was a fun time filler =) L hate shorts, fyi. And i love long sleeves and pants, even in summer. And leopard print. Sue me. 

unDeep

Why does everything have to be so deep...

lets be shallow,

keep it surface level,

lets not bury secret treasures,

or the treasure of a secret;

all burial does is cause me more work.

Now I gotta get a shovel,

break a sweat, and I know its not

worth it when all you had to do was keep it

level.

Eye to eye,

that's how we saw,

now seeing is about

as hard as an elephant seeing an ant

on a see-saw, its heavy,

when it should a breeze, easy

like saying

Hello my name is Lindsay

not hard at all because its true, see

all lies do is make you have to work harder

to, one, keep me happy

and, two, remember what it was that

you told me yesterday, and in that

way, I hope you have hell,

I hope you get tired,

and I hope it wracks your brain with worry,

like what I feel when I

feel like you are wracking my hope,

tired of getting hopeless

hell you have given.

Rewind that back

and it still goes forward,

or maybe around, cus I'm spinning,

getting more wrapped in this web you are weaving,

if it gets too deep, guess I'm dead, huh?

.

?

What is there to say or be said

when silence is the subject,

mental methods for the matriculation

of words to tongue,

tongue to chord, chord

to air, degrees fail me

when thoughts spring

forth before a thought

can be caught to format syntax?

Palate that,

when my mind is the

doormat to the dumbfounded,

cant think an original thought

because I'm being coursed

by someone else's idea of truth, which

rang before as the bell of deception.

My perception is now

guessing because

emotions mixed with

the mind equals

madness over matter

but matters of the heart matter more

than the use of logic as it was before

this.

A Stylish look on "fashion"

A few weeks ago, I was helping a great friend of mine edit a personal letter for a potential internship opportunity. Needless to say, since we both were not sure of what exactly the job entailed beyond the "key words", the position fell through. The positive in that negative? This posting.

We were writing about fashion, her experience with it, her related work history in the area, and how she personally felt about fashion. She came to the conclusion that fashion, to her, is the "way you present yourself to the world," which can have both positive and negative connotations. The way in which I prefer to "present myself" comes mostly through my voice and my words, I could care less about my fashion. And that's where we differ.  We both agree in presentation; what is presented is just up for grabs.  While my words may (in public) benefit from my "fashion" choices, her fashion could benefit from her words.

So here are my words on fashion- It is NOT style. People seem to get confused between the two, and it could be easy misconstrued. Fashion is, generally speaking, "The make or form of something; The prevailing style." In other words, fashion is popular clothing. Sort of.

Style, however, is, "A mode of address; one characteristic of the individual."  While they are similar in "definition" as fashion is defined with style, "real life" people seem to have trouble making style out of fashion.

As my friend stated, "fashion is how you present yourself to the world." We all wear clothes, we generally purchase from stores and shops, thus we participate in fashion, and present ourselves to the world with what the world presents us with.

But my friend is not just fashionable. She is stylish. She is one of those people who (we all know at least one) can buy very regular things and fit them to her personality, changing the average into the extraordinary.  She can also take pieces that would generally get gawks and receive oohs and ahhs due to her pairing.  She is into fashion, that is her thing, and due to her understanding of both the clothing and herself, she is able to present herself as stylish.

Fashion should be worn, style should be tailored, and that is where a large majority seems to have an issue. Let me clarify this point: I am not anti-fashion or anti-trend. I am, however, "anti-poser".  A poser, in my personal definition, is someone who always has on the newest trends, yet their personal style is nonexistent. The poser's style does speak to who they are. Just as the words on this page say "blah blah blah", your style choices speak.  And generally, a poser says, "I tried too hard."

When you go out on a regular day and you see that girl in the 5 inch heels, ripped leggings and leather, looking like lil 'Rih Rih's "mortal" incarnate, you may think, "wow she looks nice," but most will think, "Wow, she tried too hard," and that is because yesterday her swag was on 5, now its on 'Ye status. I'm all for good and bad days, but if you had to think too much or had to look at a picture too many times for "inspiration", you aren't "tailored", you are store bought, and thus, a poser.

You know the stylish when you see them. Don't get that confused, either, with the person on campus who is always fresh. Its easy to be fresh if you buy new things, it is not as easy to be stylish. If you are trending just to trend, the world can tell. There is no "personal" in the statement; its like asking someone else (who doesn't know you) to write a personal statement for some type of an application. It may just pass, but it doesn't show who you are, and isn't an accurate representation of the real you.

Fashion should be personal. This generates style. You ever wonder why there are those people who can wear the same shirt every day and no one really notices/cares and they still remain in the "in crowd"? Its because that is who they ARE, it is truly how they FEEL about what is going on in their life and around them. More than likely, they are happy with themselves and don't feel the need to broadcast it on a "superficial" level (I'm not saying that an interest in fashion is superficial, pretending to have an interest in fashion is).

I fall in the median on this one; I wont wear the same clothes in a week, but I won't buy something and never wear it again.  I don't always match (One of my fave "outfits"to wear is a neon yellow and purple striped shirt with a gray vest, teal earrings, pink scarf, leggings and Uggs), but sometimes I will.  I don't always "dress up", but when I do, I wear what I want to, and look good in it.  I do buy "trendy" things.  I own leggings and Ugg boots, and on occasion I wear them together.  And guess what?  When the "trend" is over, I will STILL wear leggings and Ugg boots.  Will I still be fashionable? No, not really.  Will I be comfortable? Yes, I will. And that's MY style.

If fashion is your thing, let it be your thing.  But if you only copy and paste, if you only repeat and mimic, you are screaming "I try too hard," or "I want to fit in".  And we hear you, loud and clear.  Wear what you want to, your confidence is seen over your outerwear.  Confidence is the only thing that is ever really in style, anyway.

And if you ARE interested in some stylish things, from a stylish individual, try visiting my friend Italo's site:Urban Takeout
...completely the opposite of a poser, and thus, super acceptable for your viewing pleasure. =)

Its my birthday! That's all! Woo hoo.... Whomp.

I hate wondering.
As I wonder my mind wanders
down corridors with doors
bolted closed, trying to
free the ravenous
What Ifs that will
consume your soul with
burden and guilt,
only if you turn that key. Then

I wonder if I deserve it,
so the lock gets clicked and
the smallest of the What Ifs takes a nip at my leg...
Now Im running,
running from the gate I opened and
door I closed and I wonder why I did it,

so I wander faster farther down and see
the rabbit hole of self doubt,
jump in it to
escape the What Ifs,
into the abyss of remiss
and then re-miss every
thought I thought I
caught but I missed.

And I see what I miss,
The hims,
the hers,
the times,
the laughs,
the good,
the bad,
the tears,
the dead,
the past
fast sinking as my hands cant grasp
just one
to focus on,
dizzy blurring whirring, still fast..reach out,
empty hand, I
can't
hold it to focus, cant hold it to focus
cant
hold
it
to
focus then one thought is clear.
"Let it go."
That's why I cant hold it.

(I think i need to add something, but prob not, cus its a freewrite =)

SOTSK

Goes down, it goes down,
swallow, it goes down
wasted, wasteful it goes down,

it pours down, muddy, it goes ignored
wasted, muddy, infested, it goes down
and they take it, to get life but earn death
it comes down,

here, and we run and hide from
it comes down, and we buy a little for a dollar, it
goes down, and we don't use it all, it
comes down from the source,
we just let it come down

but somewhere it comes down
and is dirty, not germ free it comes down
and they wash it,
wash in it,
they sip it, it comes down from one man
to one woman to one child,
it comes down from cleaning,
from urine
from drinking

it comes down, and we waste it
 comes down we forget it
comes down,
not so easy for some to get

it comes down in a tear, it
comes down we dont hear,
we hear the sound as it
comes down and goes down
and we waste it, its up to us